Valentine's Day on Planet Namek
Narrator: It was a normal day on the Planet Namek, the skies and sea were green and the grass was blue. But today was a special day. Today was the one day that all three suns lined up in the sky. Today was the hottest and juiciest day of the year. Today was Valentine's Day. So, this story goes to the young Dende, who was busy writing a Valentine's Day card to his own love. Moori: Dende, what are you doing? Dende: I'm making a Valentine! Moori: Ooh, so who's the lucky lady? Dende: You know we have no females on our planet. Moori: Well, there is that Earth woman. Dende: The one with the breasts? Moori: Yes. Dende: They looked lovely. I just wanted to snuggle between them. Moori: So is it her? Dende: No, it's Gohan. Moori: Well that's positively fantastic- Wait, what? Dende: Gohan! I love him. Moori: But he's a, male. Dende: Well you did it with Guru, who's also your father. Moori: What, who told you that? Dende: Oh, you know, Cargo. Moori: That little he-bitch. Dende: Either way, our kind isn't meant to have sex. Moori: But ever since those humans showed us, we realized sex is fantastic! Dende: Anyways, Gohan is my Valentine. I heard he's a Super Saiyan now. Moori: So? Dende: That means he has a pounding cock rimmed with blond pubes. Moori: I'm sorry I asked. Dende: You should be. Moori: So... What's it say? Dende: I'm not telling you. Moori: But I'm your father! Dende: I don't give a Zarbon. Moori: Know what, fine! Go be gay for all I care. Dende: There, it's all finished. Now let's go mail it. Off to Guru's house! Dende: Hello, Guru. Guru: What? What are you doing here? Dende: I wish to mail something? Guru: You're not allowed to mail porno magazines to your boyfriend. Dende: I wasn't gonna! I have a Valentine! Guru: Ooh, is it the Earth woman? Dende: No. Guru: Krillin? Dende: No. Guru: Um, Goku? Dende: No. Guru: Could it be Vegeta? Dende: For the love of Kami, no! Guru: Oh god, please don't tell me, Gohan? Dende: Yes. Guru: But he's a guy. Dende: You listed off three other guys! Guru: No, two other guys. Dende: But, you said- Guru: Krillin isn't a real man. Dende: Oh, right. Guru: So, why are you telling me all this? Dende: I wish to mail this, I already told you! Guru: Fine. Nail! Nail: What is it, Guru? Guru: Please mail this love letter. Nail: We don't have a mailbox, sir. Guru: Nail! Nail: Yes, Guru? Guru: Gather the Dragon Balls. Nail: Oh lord, fine... Dende: Porunga, grant my wish! Deliver this letter to Son Gohan of the planet Earth! Porunga: This is within my power. It shall be done. There, your wish is granted, speak your second wish. Dende: Please give me abs! Porunga: Your wish has been granted. Speak your last wish! Dende: I wish I had a penis! Porunga: Really? Dende: Yes, so I may learn of the wonders of butt sex! Porunga: It has been done. Now, I will return to my slumber. Dende: Oh boy, now I can feel the love! Narrator: Gohan's note reads: Dear Dende, thanks for the offer, but I'm straight now. I've met a pretty dandy girl named Videl, and we've been doing it hardcore for two years now. With a lack of love but a mutual friendship- Gohan. Dende: Oh fuck.